Putting Together the Puzzle of Memoir Writing
Written by MVWG Member Niki Bergler
"If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." -Toni Morrison
The book slammed shut as my hands came together. Dewdrops clung to my lashes. I came back into the cabin where I was sitting cross-legged on the couch. The fire in the woodstove glowed but held no flame. How much time had passed? I had read the book cover to cover without a desire to get up and get a snack. I am not even sure I took a breath the entire time. I take one now.
Inhale, one-two-three-four, exhale one-two-three-four.
I become aware of the ache in my knees as I begin to process raw emotions. While removing my legs from the possibility of a permanent pretzel, my inner voice starts a dialog: I cannot comprehend this connection. It's as if, for the first time, there is someone in this universe who understands what it feels like to exist inside my thoughts. If I sat down with this person for just a few minutes and told them MY story, they would say, "I got you."
I allowed my thoughts to flow, and like an ever-changing river, they took a sharp right, to a fear-inducing statement. If you wrote your story, you could change someone's life like this author changed yours.
I could never.
A year passed, and I had not written a page. However, I never stopped thinking about the connection and emotional release I found. And to think I wasn't even going to read the book! My mother-in-law gave me the book over a year ago. I started reading it because I was bored!
Like a determined child can break down their parent, my mind gave in and began daydreaming of what it would mean for me to write my story. He did horrible things to me; I am not sure I want people to know what he did. What if they think differently of me? What if people make fun of me? - Well, ok, then they are just awful people I don't need in my life anyway ,but still. What will my family say when they find out? What will he do when he finds out? Will my friends love me less?
Then another voice chimed in a little quieter; What if this is an opportunity for my friends to see a piece of me, I have never shared? What if confronting him will give me the peace I need in this life? What if my words could touch someone's heart? What if, just what if, sharing my story made the world a better place?
It is fair to say the quieter voice won.
I wrote my first draft as if I was speaking it to someone- which was as complicated as my love for sweets. There was no order, and in some areas, there was no sense. If you imagine my story as a puzzle, picture me opening the box carelessly. Puzzle pieces were tossed on the table and allowed to fall on the floor. My lack of organization created the same consequences in my writing. It seemed some chapters were missing, some damaged, and yet some held a certain amount of hope- like the corner pieces to my puzzle. Having all of the puzzle pieces strewn about made it more difficult for me to complete the picture. But it was exactly how I needed to write it.
In my second round of writing, I took that same puzzle and placed each piece with care and precision onto the table. I held onto the colorful and uplifting pieces a little longer than the ones that were dark and seemed to have no home. Still, the puzzle was not easy because the process of tearing it apart and putting it back together needed repeating again and again.
I worked with a therapist, processing my trauma while trying to write about it. Did writing while processing help me heal? Hard to say. Having to review my story again and again while editing, I often found myself emotionally exhausted. My cup of patience did not overflow as much anymore. My anger showed its fierce face more than I care to admit. No matter what I did, I couldn't seem to find rest for my soul.
What if, just what if, sharing my story made the world a better place? This sentence echoed in my heart. I felt I could carry the weight of the world if it meant others wouldn't have to suffer anymore. So, I kept going.
I now stand with my puzzle, finished and safe in its frame. It will stand next to the many other completed puzzles written before my time. There will be a few moments where I will panic and think I am not enough, but they will pass.
Here are few things I want to share with you about writing a memoir.
Find someone (who does not know you) that you can be one-hundred percent honest with. This person could be a therapist, a coach, or a counselor. Finding a trustful blank canvas will allow you space to open up more and thus write more. I am not recommending you avoid telling friends or family of your story, but you will find it more challenging to open up fully to people you hold close.
Do not rush through to "get it done and over with." Take your time; your story – and you- deserve its due diligence.
Writing your story will be mentally and emotionally taxing. Allow yourself plenty of grace and time to relax.
Eat healthy to remain strong while your body processes and releases stored emotions.
Write your book your way. Many people will have recommendations on organization and writing styles, but the drawback is most of the advice given will only distract you. It is like spending hours cleaning and rearranging your office only to write at the kitchen table. Or spending hours organizing your to-do list and then running out of time to complete anything on it.
If you feel the urge to write a story, any story, please do not hold it in. You are doing us all a disservice by locking away your gift. Stories help shape us; they give us adventure, freedom, hope, encouragement, and so much more. Someone out there needs to read your book for them to reach their next level. It's a lot of pressure, I know but trust me, there are many rewards.
Niki Bergler loves the outdoors, loves good food and loves connecting with others. Niki is the founder of Forward Focus, a life and nutrition coaching business. You can learn more about her work and her passions on her website and also through the entertaining content on her YouTube channel.